Normalcy - Finally!!!

Wow cant believe that 9 months have gone by since the surgery. I am finally a relieved man!!! Have been gone a long while .. My apologies to those who were looking for an update on this ...so a quick flash back since my last post

The last time i posted i mentioned about some loose rawish tags that werent healing. I stopped posting since cause i was in a pretty unhappy state of mind for the months that i didnt post and wanted to ignore all of this and focus on school instead.
In december I had gotten in touch with my doc via email and even sent him some pics to analyse the matter.. Apparently i had something called excessive granulation tissue. My doc said that it was basically healing tissue and since it was in excess it would have to be trimmed. Now since Im studying abroad i wasnt sure about the kind of insurance coverage I have and honestly didnt want to get this done in the middle of a school term. So i asked my doc if it could wait till i came back to India for the summers in April and have him trim it himself. He said it was a minor issue and if i could live with the discomfort until then it should be ok to wait. So i did just that .. I waited. Booked my flight tickets and counted the days down. Cant begin to express how desperate i was to feel normal again and be able to shower and wash my penis without having those areas burn.
April finally arrived and i returned home for a couple of weeks desperately hoping to get ths over with and put everything behind. I visited my doc, he had me pull my pants off and saw the issue. Right there and then he put on his gloves and applied a mild numbing gel. He said he that it was a 2 minute job and he would trim it off. It was slightly painful but not intolerable. I didnt have the guts to look down. When he was done he asked me to look and told me it was fine but i didnt look as i was too terrified. He bandaged me up and told me that i would be totally fine. I just had to apply some medicated powder to the area for a couple of days. Given the last 9 months i was skeptical but hoped for the best.

I did what the doc asked and within a few days i was totally fine. I could shower without the burning sensation. The extra tissue was gone and my penis was looking normal and healthy. I was on top of the world. During my follow up visit the doc said i could now engage safely in sexual activity as well and i was thrilled and even got to take it out for a test drive few days after :)

Now, I must say that the glans has become quite insensitive and its good to not have that hyper sensitive feeling anymore but i also realise that it has reduced the sexual feeling as well. But honestly its not like how some sites report that .. its not like the penis is dead or anything .. it just maybe a little less sensitive. But i dont care about that.. cause my medical issue anyway prevented a normal sex life and now i can do whatever i want ..so what if i have lost some sensitivity .. its not that big a deal.. being sexually intimate without the fear of hurting myself itself gives me a high.

So here i am pretty much closing this chapter of my life. Its been a long journey literally filled with blood, sweat and tears. I had the support of some wonderful people during the tough times which helped me get through. But i wouldnt wish this on anyone and hope everyone out there does not have exceptions like me and are able to heal in the 4-6 weeks window. Good luck to every guy out there who is going to get circumcised. Again i just want to say that my case was an exception and please done let it scare you into avoiding the procedure if it is medically necessary.

I do hope my story has been helpful to whoever has stumbled on this blog! Adios!! 

5 Months

Well its been 5 months since i had my circumcision done. Before the op was performed i was hoping that everything would be as good as new by the end of the year. Unfortunately, things haven't worked out the way i hoped.

I have no problem whatsoever in day to day activities and have been fine on the surface since the completion of 2 months. However even now i havent healed completely. There are these raw-ish skin parts hanging loose that havent fused to the sides yet. Since it is sore it burns like hell when ever i pour water to try and clean the area. Im not sure if it should take this long for a circumcision to heal. It looks terrifying as well. I have to email my doctor about this as i dont see much healing progress since the last  month.

I dont want to be in a situation where i have to undergo another procedure to correct this. More than physically it would be too mentally exhausting. To anyone considering getting a circ done, here is my 2 cents -- There is nothing wrong in getting the procedure done if it is a medical problem as it was in my case. Its definitely not worth the hassle to do it for purely cosmetic purposes. Also if getting it done then an any cost DO NOT go for a low & loose cut. This is what i have and i wouldnt recommend it to anyone. It takes way longer for the wound to heal and also you have to constantly pull back the remaining outer foreskin to clean the covered parts. In a tight circ the problem of hygiene and cleanliness is a no issue.

Anyway i have to live with what i have but i would advice anyone undergoing this circ to clearly outline to the doc what kind of cut you would like.. i was ignorant and didnt know too much about "styles" and benefits and my doc never even presented me with any options and the pros and cons of each.

Heres hoping to a speedy recovery in the first few months of 2014!

One Month Gone

So its been 30 days since i got circumcised. I have been busy with all my preparation in going back to school and also there hasnt been significant changes to report. In terms of functionality i can do everything now without any discomfort. I can even take a shower with the water falling directly on my glans without feeling any discomfort, unless of course the shower force is too strong. I have stopped wearing cotton gagues as well and even dont apply any betadine on the circed area. I can wear my undies comfortably withot any problems. Erections are also fine and there isnt any poking feeling. The most ugly part post op was the frenulum area which had nicely healed and looking fine right now. There arent any scabs or fluids coming out and it looks pink and healthy.

The negative things that i still experience is that when i masturbate sometimes a tiny bit of blood still comes out. Im trying to be even more gentle so that this stops. But the whole things has made me avoid masturbating as often as i used to. Maybe that is a good thing after all. I do miss being able to freely masturbate when i had my foreskin. There was never any need to be careful or watchful. Now things get a bit more messy and i have to be careful as well. This is a minor trade off and i am more than willing to deal with these changes. I still feel like im not erecting to my complete potential as the stitiches and scar line are still hidden under the outer foreskin. Also now that the glans exposed it gets really thick and makes the shaft look very small. To be very honest i do feel like i appear much smaller and it looks like i have lost an inch in terms of length. I am a bit concerned about this as the size seems to only about 5inches in length and i wish it was a bit more. Despite all the washing the PPP still persists and it looks like they are here to stay. Again I'm very conscious about these factors and would be really embarrassed if i got with a girl and she thought i had some kind of disease. Anyway at least i know im clean and healthy and these cosmetic intricacies are not in my control unless i opt for extremely expensive and painful surgeries. So i have to learn to accept it and live with it and maybe the right girl would give me the chance to explain and maybe even accept me after that. Untill then i have a lot of things on my plate with regards to studies and going back to school.

This will probably be my last post for a while. I will update the blog on a monthly basis perhaps and list out if there are any cosmetic improvements and if all sores are over and done with.

Day 21 -- Three Week Mark

Well its been a while since i updated this blog. I initially started out thinking that there would be something new happening everyday. However beyond the first week the progress is noticeable only after a few days clubbed together. More so i have been busy getting ready to go back to school life.

At the 3 week mark i would say things are starting to at least feel normal now. In terms of appearance though there is still a long way to go.
I am able to do pretty much everything though i haven't tried running or jogging yet. I have resumed my exercise routine but i still want to take it easy and so avoid doing any lower abdomen and leg workout. The glans has become quite ok now and it looks really thick when i get an erection. Most of the stitches have come off and things are healing but there are tiny sores around the area where i got circed and they look a bit red and bloody. I checked with my doc on this and he said its fine and that in time it will heal and go away. So looks like everything is fine as of now.

Day 15 - Caved In

My aim to stave of jerking my self off for 3 weeks went out the window this morning. I woke up with the biggest boner since the last 2 weeks and was feeling horny as hell. Even the glans was swollen and was sensitive in a lesser but more pleasurable way. While on my computer there were some images of beautiful women on a website and i did a google image search to find out who the model was.. And that was it.

One image led to another. Pictures started getting more and more erotic until i finally couldnt handle it anymore. I desperately had to get off. But after handling my dick a certain way all these years i really didnt know how id go about jerking off now. Earlier while uncut id just use the foreskin to stroke from mid shaft to the tip. Now i was a bit perplexed as i did want to get off but also didnt want to touch the frenulum area that is still having a couple of stitches. I pulled out an old tube of KY and applied it to the glans and started rubbing it with just my index finger and thumb. It felt good but even after several minutes i couldnt feel the sensation of an orgasm. All these years its been pretty vigorous stroking so i guess this wasnt working. I was almost about to stop cause it was taking so long and maybe the gentleness wasnt working for me. But that led to more sexual frustration and i decided to even stroke the shaft of my dick with my other hand. Eventually i came and then my senses came back too and i started to regret doing this so soon.

And so this is my advice --  Wait for at least 3-4 weeks before attempting anything. I went to the washroom to wash my self off and i could see a spot of blood on the base of my glans where the stitches were. I was totally freaked out but luckily it didnt hurt. I washed off everything and the drop of blood also washed away. I think the friction against the few remaining stitches caused the blood drop. Anyway i just wshed up and applied the betadine ointment and put on my undies after putting on a cotton gauge. I didnt feel anything else for the rest of the morning. However in the afternoon i found that the cotton gauge was stuck to the opening on my glans. This never happened before, as the cotton gauge only used to get stuck to the frenelum part and not the tip. I figure its due the morning activity that removed some of the keratinised skin on the glans and caused it to stick. I just soaked my dick in warm salt water again for a couple of minutes and it was off.

I dont want to jerk off again, so that there is no further problems caused by it. But its really hard and once i start i find it really hard to stop.

One thing I'd like to point out is that i have read many intactivists saying that orgasms dont feel as good post circ and that sex is not pleasurable anymore. Personally i hate the extremism on both sides of the whole circ issue that one finds online. Most people are either vehemently for it or against it. I feel that this is kind of stupid. I would agree that maybe circumcision should not be done to babies -- but i remember praying and wishing countless times i was circed as a baby when i spent the last decade dealing with my phimosis. The thing is had i had a fully retractable foreskin i wouldnt have wanted to get circed. But since i had phimosis and ballanoposthis i used to woefully wish that i was circumcised as a baby. If i have a son in the future, I would never want for him to go through what I did, growing up always lacking confidence and feeling like a bit of a freak. But i would still avoid circumcision on a baby. I think surgery should always be the last resort and even in my case i tried several things before realizing that surgery was the only sure shot permanent solution for me. Now adult circumcision is another thing altogether. I dont get why so many people are strongly against. Nowadays people dont even bat an eye while getting breast implant or nose jobs or tummy tucks or any one of the hundreds of purely cosmetic surgeries both men and women go through just for the sake of vanity. Sure there maybe underlying psychological issues and it may improve a persons overall quality of life by doing these surgeries which is why i am always surprised to see so many sites where people use extreme words like mutilation and even going as far as to compare it with female circumcision. Anyway i guess i am ranting but my point is have a moderate outlook and understand the reason for people opting to do the things they do before jumping all over and putting them down with rigid thoughts and opinions.

Coming back to the point --- pleasure wise, at least from masturbation, wasnt all that different for me. Some dudes have reported greater pleasure but for me i felt it was pretty much on par with what i used to experience prior to getting circed. The only difference was earlier i could jack off any time, any where in a matter of 3-4 minutes. From todays experience I guess going ahead i would need lots of lube and a fair amount of time. I cannot talk about penetrative sex as I haven't engaged in it even before getting circed (yes technically I'm a virgin :P). I have had only bjs and handys till date. I honestly feel bjs will feel a whole lot better now cause of the direct contact to the exposed glans and handys were good but never did all that much for me as I was too used to my own hand. However, at this point I can only speculate until I actually receive some action. I think it will be months before i have the nerve to whip it out in front of a girl, but I dont see any major problems, in fact i guess the delayed climax will only be appreciated.

Day 13 & 14

Day 13 - Quite uneventful. Spent the entire day at home and didnt give too much thought to my penis except during the shower.

Day 14 - Two weeks makes a big mark in terms of healing progress. I have resumed wearing even my skinny jeans which are a bit crotch hugging. Just need to make adjustments while putting the jeans on so that no rubbing against the zipper. Other than that there was no problem. I even spent the entire afternoon shopping for clothes and tried on several jeans an trousers without any problem. Was out all day long and even stuck in traffic for a while but everything felt fine penis wise. At the end of the day the gauge too came off with barely any spotting on it. I even can get a solid erection without experiencing any pain anymore, but it does still feel like i am not able to erect to my full capacity. I think only once the stitches dissolve completely and the circed area fuses fully to the remaining outer foreskin will this be possible. For now it looks like i have lost half and inch  or so in length but i find that im a bit thicker and even the glans looks much bigger when im having a boner. Before when i was still uncut i dont remember seeing my glans looking this thick through the foreskin. I can only infer that the lack of foreskin caused the glans to really get engorged during an erection, making it look thicker in the process.

Since im not feeling pain anymore during an erection my thoughts wander to sexual things more often. During the first 12 days or so whenever my mind wandered towards sex the boner that resulted would cause a painful choking feeling and i would have to think other things and pinch other parts of my body to divert the pain. That made me consciously avoid thinking about sex as much as possible. Now that i dont feel any pain i can only think about sex and even the sight of lingerie models or gorgeous skimpyly clad women on the tv gets me really hard. I want to avoid masturbating till at least day 21 in order to complete 3 whole weeks of post surgery recovery and avoid any issues. Its becoming incredibly hard to do this (forgive the pun) though. 

Im a bit concerned about the size of my penis. It was never huge to begin with but it seemed fair enough. Now it seems to be quite stumpy and i feel like im not growing to my full potential. I asked the doctor about this and he said that the penis was never touched and only the tight part of the foreskin was removed. He then went on to say that a bottle always looks a bit smaller once its out of the package :P

Day 10 & 11

From here on in i think its going to be slow and gradual progress in terms of healing. I will club the days where there isnt much to report. The salt water soaks have really gone a long way in the healing process. Based on my personal experience, I would recommend anyone who has undergone a circ to start doing it as soon as the doc gives the OK to take regular showers. I can see that things are healing. They still look a bit rough and no where close to what id like it to finally look like but for now it will suffice.

The sensation in my glans is getting more and more stable. Now the top view of the glans feels fine for the most part when brushing against my undies. Its the bottom part or the frenelum area thats still sensitive but i think this is normal and with tight fitting undies its completely manageable.

On Day 11 i went back to the doc for a routine checkup. He said he was happy with the way the wound was healing and that i only need to take care to keep it clean and dry. From his side he felt confident that there shouldnt be any issues and that i could return to all my activities as and when i felt comfortable. That evening i finally went out for dinner and drinks, after 10 days of total inactivity. I even walked a fair amount and did not feel any kind of discomfort at any point. I am still putting a piece of cotton gauge in my undies before wearing them but even the gunky stuff that used to cause sticking is reducing day by day. Sometimes the gauge sticks to my dick because of the blood/fluid sticking to it. During those times i soak my penis in warm salt water and keep pouring warm water on it till the gauge just floats away smoothly and painlessly. There are even some moments when there is no stickiness at all and the gauge comes off dryly without causing any discomfort.